My wife and I were recently in conversation with my brother and sister-in-law. As is often the case on such occasions, there were stories about our long-deceased father; a veteran of World War II who died from a war-related illness when my brother and I were young children. In the midst of our reflections, my wife reminded me of this very special moment.
We were visiting the grave of my father. Our two preschool age children were with us. As we travelled to the cemetery, we tried to tell them something about the grandfather that neither their mom nor they ever had the chance to know. Not an easy conversation with preschoolers. But, there were moments of seeming understanding; particularly by our son when we said that his grandfather had been a soldier.
At the cemetery we went to my dad’s grave. The four of us stood there for some minutes and then began to move about looking at other headstones close by. But not our son. He stayed by the headstone of the grandfather only known to him by our report that his grandfather had been a soldier in the army. Knowing that about his grandfather, our son could take in the meaning of the headstone that marked the resting place of the body of the man who had been my father and his namesake. A special connection.
At the time our son had with him a little sample perfume bottle that he had acquired, with permission, from his mother’s purse. He was fascinated with the little bottle. A child’s momentary treasure. But there at the grave site of his grandfather, the contents of that little bottle precious to him generated an idea.
As we milled about close by both my wife and I looked over to our little son. Having unscrewed the plastic cap of the sample perfume bottle, he was sprinkling perfume drops on his grandfather’s headstone. A spontaneous libation to an ancestor. We stood silent and watched him as he made a fragrant offering. We wondered at what the offering may have meant to him as he emptied his treasure on the granite stone.
Another Memorial Day is upon us. Each year it is a time for reflecting on, as well as being grateful for, those in the armed services who have defended the freedoms of our country. But it is also more.
Memorial Day is a time when we remember the connections we have had with family members and dear friends whom we have loved and…lost. It is a time to remember connections with those whose lives touched, enriched, maybe unsettled, enabled (even if never personally known to us) and in some sense defined us. As our little son all those years ago (perhaps not unknowingly?) pointed out, Memorial Day is a time for offering “libations” to those who live now only in our hearts and memories.
There is great strength in calling to mind and heart such connections. In our unsettling times it is helpful to wonder at what an ancestor would have thought and perhaps counseled. In personally unsettling moments, it is often of special comfort to RE MEMBER (put their body together again in our mind’s eye) a treasured friend, a cherished family member whose presence once consoled, encouraged, and gave direction to the course of our lives. In such times of memorial moments, we are not as alone as perhaps we might otherwise think ourselves to be.
Whether we call to mind those past lives amidst a military volley of gun shots, the playing of taps, or in quiet moments before a marker bearing the name of one who made us possible, the libation is a fragrant affirmation that life is purposeful, filled with meaning, and to be cherished. All those who have passed to whatever is next, call out to us and thus strengthen us for the living of our days.